This goes WAY back! I had an interest in fashion at a very young age. I think I was pulling photos from catalogs and magazines all the way back by the time I was 10 years old. I was already planning my wedding then! I LOVED doing things like that! A good friend and I would sketch out dresses...always formal wear. I loved pretty dresses. (I still do!) I used to watch the Miss America pageants (or whatever pageant was on tv) just to see what the formal dresses looked like! I designed and made my prom dress my junior year of high school. I also used it as a 4-H project and went to the State Fair for the Fashion Revue. I designed and made another formal dress that was inspired by one of the Miss America dresses. I wore my mom's wedding dress for my wedding but I had to alter and change it to work for me and I embellished it to make it look like what the current trends inspired.
I went to Purdue and majored in the department of Consumer and Family Sciences with my major being Retail Management. I did this in order to have my own Bridal and Formal Wear Business one day. I was so fortunate to receive a scholarship through 4-H which enabled me to attend Purdue and only pay for housing due to my 4-H experience and the fact I was earning my degree in the department of Consumer and Family Sciences. I did an internship in Birmingham, AL with Parisian in their buying office and in management in a store. What a wonderful experience!
During my experience at Purdue, the most important thing in my life happened. I met my husband, BJ. Suddenly I had someone else to factor into my BIG plans. So, unless you are just independently wealthy, I don't see how you would graduate from college and just go open your own business. The options I had with my degree were to go work for a big company in a store management or buying position. BJ was applying to medical school when I was graduating, getting married and looking for a job. I would have loved to have worked for Parisian at their buying office in Birmingham. But, it was not just me anymore and what I wanted. It was at this point that I (we) decided we needed to go where the training would take us with BJ's quest to become a doctor.
I didn't end up becoming a fashion designer. I didn't end up in a buying office. I didn't end up opening my own bridal and formal wear store. There are many things about all of those careers that would not have worked well for us along the way. I must point out right now that BJ is always very supportive of anything I want to do! However, the reality is that with medical training there is a great deal of inflexibility which is in no way the fault of the trainee. You have to go where you match with the training program. We moved for one year for BJ's internship, three years for residency, two years for fellowship (where we have ended up staying because he joined staff here). The reality of his career is that we may move again. And again. Another reality is that he travels, a lot. Some families may have figured out how to follow two careers. In my experience I have found that there is going to be one person's career you follow and that the other person will make adaptations. The unpredictable schedule of someone in Retail Management did not mesh with the unpredictable schedule of a doctor with call schedules and crazy clinic schedules...at least not when it comes to having a family who needs a mommy or daddy there regularly. So that ended up being the end of the career ambition I had initially had when I graduated from high school. Will I ever do anything related to this career in my future? I don't know. I tend to think that if you have entrepreneurial tendancies ever, that you will probably always have those tendencies. We'll see... There have been other things I have done throughout our marriage so far that have related to those interests. Maybe not fashion--yet. The future is anyone's guess, right?
In later posts I will discuss the other experiences I have had along the way...
Hi! I stumbled onto your blog today, and can tell you that I totally identify with your post! I am a stay at home mom with a degree in fashion merchandising... married to an ortho resident. Someone's career aspirations had to give... and they were mine. It's just how it is. I wanted to be a trend forecaster, but by internship time, I was seriously dating my husband, who had started his masters and taken the MCAT. And I didn't want to jeopardize our relationship by moving to NYC... I did work in the industry for a year and a half... (and was BROKE) and then I did event planning for a major country club and a city club... and that was fun but had unpredictable hours...and as you pointed out, that does not mesh well with a physician and children. so after our son was born during 4th year, I quit. So now I, too, stay at home and make sure that we wear clean clothes and eat off of clean plates. :)
ReplyDeleteStephanie,
ReplyDeleteIt does sound like we have led somewhat parallel lives! Where are you in the process by now? It looks like your husband is still in residency? Ortho is pretty long, isn't it?
The big question is: Do you sometimes look down at what you are wearing while home all day and wonder where the former you went? :)(maybe you do a better job than me at keeping up!) I laugh with my friend sometimes about our "uniforms" of a solid colored t-shirt and jeans. I try to mix it up sometimes and wear something I might wear if I were not a stay at home mom. Being the wife of a resident and having an interest in fashion also doesn't mix well because we could never afford fun trendy things anyway!
We are in the second year of a five year residency... and then we have a year long fellowship. It is long isn't it? Its a daily battle for me to focus on being blessed with today and not live my life thinking about what it will be like for us 7 years from now!
ReplyDeleteAnd YES! I am stuck in a mommy fashion rut. My "uniform" (as my MIL calls it): Green or khaki north face shorts with a variety of boring nursing tanks or if it is cold, jeans and a nursing tank with a long sleeve knit shirt over it! All in shades of neutrals. Colors are too trendy... and then I can't wear things for YEARS. Because I am never getting new clothes. No money for that!
SOOO SAD!!! I am so out of the loop. And when I try to reconnect with my inner fashion sense, I am no longer happy with today... instead i am wishing for down the road... yet none of what I want will be in style then. I have to hang on to the fact that eventually I can have nice things. But in the mean time, it is hard for me to even go there.
It is long. It is hard. Delayed gratification is very difficult. I hope you have a good support group where you are! It was a life-saver for me! The best thing about hanging out with other resident spouses is that they "get it"! From my experience it is hard to really explain to someone what it is like unless they have been there or ARE there! I think it sounds a little "romantic" to some people to be married to a doctor. It sounds like you have it made. What many people don't understand is what you give up in order to be a medical family. There are definitely financial sacrifices (even though the income someday will be good). Time sacrifices due to call and just long days as well as studying at home when they aren't "working".
ReplyDeleteIt is important to try to enjoy the present but I know it is hard. Dreaming is good though. My friend and I used to go on the Parade of Homes tours and dream. It helped us to feel like we were going to make it through and it was a little bit of a carrot. I hope that doesn't sound bad. It was fun. We both have been able to reach our "carrot" in many ways. It is nice! But it is a struggle to not wish your days away because it ends up being a lot of YEARS of your life you are wishing away.
I wish I could say that it gets better over night after the training is finally over. It definitely gets better...but at least for us we have had a lot of catching up to do. But really, it IS better!
When I did my internship at Parisian in the buying office my assistant buyer was a resident's wife. BJ was still applying to medical schools then. She was working in the fashion industry and said she had to be really picky about what pieces she invested in so she would look up to date but not break the bank. Her advice and what she said she did was invest in a good up-to-date haircut. She said since she "wore it everyday", it was worth it. I have done that. Not all of the time, but when I have I certainly feel better!
The other thing I have done that makes me feel better is to have some cute jewelry that I can put on with my basics. You can get some cute things that won't break the bank and it always makes me feel like I am a little more put together and that I do still care about what I look like!
I guess what I am trying to say is that it has been important for me to have some little splurges here and there in order to not feel like life is completely on hold until training is over. It is too long to not live a little here and there!
If you ever need someone to vent to or bounce something off of, feel free to send something my way!
Just wanted to say hi and echo Stephanie's comments- I can identify with this post so much! I'm still having "career clashes" with my husband who is a second year surgery resident. We moved to Philly for his career and it was very hard for me to find a job. I am sure it will happen again when he applies for a fellowship. Anyway, just wanted to say hi and I'm really enjoying reading your blog.
ReplyDeleteBea--it is definitely a challenge! Eventually all of the training will be done and hopefully you will get to have more of a say in where you end up for the long haul and it will be a little easier for you on the job front! I wish you the best! Thanks for reading along!
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