Hobbies

What do I have that is MINE?

Since it seems that my days are dictated by what everyone else wants to do and needs, I am trying to find a way to have something that is MINE! I know it sounds very toddler-esk to say "I want it. It's MINE!" I think everyone needs to have something that is theirs.

When I Look Back at what I wanted for my life, I had lots of big ideas. I knew I wanted a family but I'm not sure I knew the level of sacrifice involved. I think it is like labor...nobody really tells you all of the details prior to your first go at it. Afterwards, they are completely willing to share all of the gorey details! Afterward you have a bond with other mothers. Someone who understands! The life of a "stay at home mom", in my experience, seems to completely revolve around everyone else. It's tough sometimes to not feel like the unpaid house servant. So in an effort to get over my bitterness about not having anything in my day that is for me, I am looking for ways to make it better.

This week things particularly came to a head in my house. I don't know if part of it is just trying to get everyone's new school and activity schedules worked out. Or maybe it is because I have been a single parent for most of the month. My husband's schedule has been really crazy and he has been out of town even more than expected. I do okay when it is just a few days at a time but when it is multiple trips that are really close together and if any of them are a week--my mood gets really bad! It's not even that when he is out of town that I have more that I have to do getting the kids to and from things, because he is not usually home from work when all of that happens anyway.

The part that makes it really hard is that I feel stranded. Abandoned. Lonely. I feel like I am stuck here to take care of everything and that I don't get to do anything fun. Anything that is just for me. Anything that was grown-up fun. Friday night I was so envious of other people for their Friday night plans: Football game, date night, party, going out of town, and then there was me. At home just like any other day. I'm sure it is worse because this was the third Friday night in a row that it was just me and the kids. Thank goodness we got to go to my neice's birthday party yesterday so we had something fun to do this weekend. I had other adults to talk to! The kids had other people to play with!

I have been interrupted so many times while I have been trying to write this! Arguments, problems, etc. This is why I don't get to do anything until after my kids are in bed. This is why I need something for me!

Maybe later I will get back to what I was going to talk about with hobbies and something for me. Maybe--if I ever get a chance. Until then, I guess I'll just go do what I have to do.